8 Things That I Hate About People

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid £12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

7. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

8. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got pig in my tummy...

So this was our dinner at the VLB party. Yep folks, those are pigs heads but I only ate the rest of their bodies.
This little piggy went to market, this little piggies stayed home, this little piggy had a four foot metal rod jammed up it's anus and put over a fire until the skin was crispy.
Hmmm... I don't think that rhyme will appeal to children quite as much.

Found this in a grocery shop. Certainly doesn't look as appetising as the pork. Not really sure what it was but it was called "cock" and looked like poo. Needless to say, I didn't buy any.









Okay folks that's it for today but before I go I gotta put up this pic of Sea Bass indulging in his new favourite hobby. Enjoy!

Picture Time

Okay folks, as promised here are a few of the pics from my recent trip to Berlin. I'll put up a few more as I can. For starters, though, here is the pic of us after watching Italy trounce Germany. From left to right: Muggins, Sea Bass, Adriana, Izaak, Nathan, Dolan and Sam.

Here I am at the remaining portion of the Berlin wall. Not nearly as big or scary as I thought it would be. In typical fashion, I'm pretending to be looking up a giants ass. Why can't I just take a normal picture like everyone else?









Here's one of Sea Bass and I at the beach. Bass is pretending really hard that he's not looking at the partially dressed German girls next to us but I think that the expression on his face gives it away.










Here's one of me making a new friend (and I don't mean the irritating German kids that would not get out of my shot).

Well folks that's all for today. I've reached the limit of how many pics I can put up but I'll get some more on tomorrow. Speak to you all soon.

Peace.

Germany in words.

Okay folks, well no pics yet cause I haven’t got the cradle for the camera but they are en route. As promised though, here is my trip all summed up nicely for you.

Day one: Get to Berlin, have a beer at the brewery with Sea Bass. It tastes good but it is 10:00 am. Sea Bass says that it is already a bit late in the day to start drinking. I shudder. Dump my stuff at his and then go out drinking at a beer garden with him and a few of the dossers that were camping out in Sea Bass’s flat (5 people, 1 room, you do the math). Really drunk on walk home. Burn myself badly on Burger King mini-burrito and throw an EZ chair at a parked car. Nuff said!

Day two: Have first beer slightly later at 11:00. Decide to cook gnocchi. Go shopping for groceries. Get very confused by German language but still manage to get gnocchi thanks to Lidl. Sea Bass gets off work and we go to line our stomachs before the match. Eat a King Elvis burger at cool little bar then head for “fan mile”. A million or so people there all watching German get embarrassingly defeated by Italy. Leave as riots begin.

Day three: EXLPOSIVE DIAHREA!!! Spend morning on toilet. I no longer like the King Elvis burger!!! Spend afternoon taking a walking tour of Berlin (i.e.: wandering around looking for the non-existent public toilets). See lots but do nothing else really. Sea Bass, Dolan and I head to cool little beach bar on communist side of the Berlin wall and while away the evening chatting and drinking Coronas.

Day four: Sea Bass finishes early so we go to the Erotik Museum, the zoo and the aquarium. Watch sharks being fed, gorilla urinating and the saddest looking orang-utan in the world. In the evening we meet up with Adriana and go to a great little underground jazz club. Great time had by all.

Day five: Beach time. Spend the morning and early afternoon looking at naked Germans on the beach. Late afternoon go to VLB (Sea Bass’s brewery) annual party. Eat a crap load of pork and cabbage. First day of rain in months so it decides to make up for it all in one go. See some very ingenious German methods of keeping water out of beer steins. Say my farewells to Sea Bass and crew and head for the plane. Get through the surprisingly tight security. Discover you can’t smoke on other side of security. Head back out through security. Smoke like a chimney for half an hour. Head back in and await my flight. No air-con in airport so I’m schvitsing like crazy. Get back to Stanstead after the longest two-hour flight of my life.

Well folks, that about covers my trip and the pics are coming soon so that you’ll be able to see some of what I’m writing about. It was a great time and it was great to hang with the Bass again. Hopefully he’ll be coming over here in August for a spot of time but there are no guarantees yet, fingers crossed. I spoke with Joel and he is planning to take some time off in August, so if Bass does make it I’ll probably do the same so that we can all hang out.

Well I better get back to work now.

Peace all.

Back from the motherland

Well folks I'm back in the UK after a mission and a half getting to and enjoying Germany. The trip started with me sleeping through my first flight and having to buy a second ticket (which was at a great price thanks to the fucking World Cup semi-finals) but I did end up making it there and had a pretty good time. A few thoughts on Germany and why I'll never go back...

Firstly: the GBF, or German Bum Factor. This is what Sea Bass attributes to the number of incredibly hot women in Germany. I'm sure everyone knows this but Germany has probably the hottest women/men in the world. It sounds great but after two or three days you actually crave imperfection in the people around you. I actually ended up with a repetive strain disorder in my neck from turning to look at all the women. This sounds like it would be great if it wasn't for the fact that they all know it. I can't exagerate the arrogance of the Germans. Also on this catagory, they wear incredibly little to the beach. I don't mind the boobies staring back at you from the beach but the over abundance of banna hammocks was a little too much.

Secondly: There really isn't anything particularly interesting about Berlin. Okay, it is a pretty nice looking city but that is about all it has going for it. The architecture is quite cool but so would any city if it had been rebuilt completely in the past 60 years. To top that off the best clubs in Berlin are apparently for Germans only!!! Sea Bass told me that he and his mates had been turned away from clubs for being "foreigners" and that just accentuates the arrogance of the German people (see point 1). All in all the only thing about Berlin that I really liked was seeing the Bass again and I guess that is enough.

Lastly: The pornography that is everywhere. I think nudity and sexuality is healthy and I think that most societies put a bit too much accent on hiding the fact that we have sex however the Germans make it a bit more obvious than the rest of the world. Sea Bass's discovery of the infamous German schiezen (not sure that is spelled right) videos proves this fact. They really do make videos about people POOING ON EACH OTHER!!! That's not right. Humourously this was Sea Bass's first ever trip to a porn store and he chose a GERMAN FETISH SHOP!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA He'll probably never be able to look at a German person that same way again and he'll certainly never go into a porn shop again.

Right, so those are the reasons that kinda put me off Germany, tomorrow I'll post the things that I enjoyed about my trip and I will hopefully get some pics up.

Auf Weidershein all.